There are people who claim they don’t like children. That’s fine with me. They are people with whom I don’t associate simply because our paths rarely cross. I doubt I’ll see them at the preschool or playground. But they are certainly entitled to their opinion.
But I’d like to clarify something. It’s not children they don’t like. Children are people. Admitting you don’t like children is equivalent to not liking human beings. Unless you’re a recluse, I don’t think that’s accurate. They like people. Really they do.
It’s the behaviors of children with which these folks find displeasure. Perhaps it’s how children whine when they’re tired. Or the way they ask repetitive questions. The occasional public temper tantrum. Their sticky hands touching things that don’t belong to them.
And you know what? I don’t like those behaviors either. I don’t think anyone does.
But I like children’s giggles. Their small voices. How their eyes open wide when they make a new discovery. Their silly jokes. Their soft, tiny hands reaching for mine. Watching them succeed with a new task. Listening to their secrets and their dreams. I like those things and I know they don’t last very long before innocence and wonder succumb to cynical adulthood—and claiming to dislike children.
How paramount the future is to the present
when one is surrounded by children.
—Charles Darwin
maria said,
February 9, 2008 at 8:21 pm
So true and you get your point across beautifully.
This is basically the same thing with people who don’t like animals.
I have always found it odd that people will admit that they don’t like animals. What’s not to like? They are furry, cuddly, loyal, and sweet.
“I don’t like animals!” says a lot about people no?
Mommy Writes said,
February 13, 2008 at 10:54 pm
I wonder if they liked themselves as children. It’s unfortune that we forget the past so easily, and don’t enjoy the wonder of the present enough.
If someone said they didn’t like children, I’d say “Well, I don’t like grumpy old farts”.
girljordyn said,
April 28, 2008 at 11:29 pm
It drives me insane when people say they don’t like children. It just seems mean, but maybe that’s just my bias because I loooove kids so stinkin much.
Magenta said,
May 25, 2008 at 7:28 am
Not everyone likes children, not everyone wants children…it is not that adults disliked themselves as kids it’s that some of us find kid’s extremely noisy, messy and very demanding especially when thy can’t get their own way, your life is not your own anymore and who you are ceases to be. Yes we can all harp on about the wondor and innocence of children but the majority of time you are operating on lack of sleep, money and sometimes food, you are tied down and can not live your life as you would had you not had kid’s. Sorry but not everyone want’s to be around by some screaming kid in a resaurant or kids running around at breakneck speed in a supermarket. If you want kids then all power to you but don’t inflict your little darlings on those that have chosen not to.
Magenta, I’m glad you commented because you have demonstrated that it’s behaviors which people dislike and not children themselves. As I said, you are entitled to your opinion. I don’t think everyone should have children, either.
You’ve mentioned a pet peeve of mine: parents not properly attending to their children’s behaviors. My kids are not allowed to scream in a restaurant nor run around once they’re done eating—they must sit like everyone else. They don’t run wild in the supermarket, either. I don’t tolerate that behavior and I am certainly aware that there are other people around us to whom we must be courteous. If more parents would take control of their kids, perhaps we’d have less people who feel as strongly as you do. And, you should take care not to assume that a ten-second slice of what you see in public is any indication of the child’s entire life at home. You’ll become even more disillusioned towards family life. A child who has ONE public tantrum may appear to be a horror to people who see her that day, whereas it was an isolated incident. You can’t claim to know all about children never having raised one.
Who you are does not cease to be once you become a parent. Who you WERE does. Yes, a certain era in your life ends, yet a new one begins. As with any life, you change and evolve. I found a stronger connection with myself and my place in this world after my children came. And for reasons why, I’ll need to write an entire article.
Brian said,
June 5, 2008 at 2:31 pm
I don’t like them either, never have. Don’t find them cute, don’t find them interesting. I think children are totally overrated in our society. At least you have the honesty to admit that you don’t like them, as opposed to all the people that end up having children that really shouldn’t have, because they don’t take the time to raise them properly.. Society is littered with such people. There are a lot of people that assume, by default, that you find their children cute, and want to be around them. I find that type of attitude to be incredibly rude and self-centered. I’m not saying that I “hate” them or anything. I just don’t see them as any big deal. They’re just people… except immature and often poorly behaved.
Another strong comment, which is good because you definitely know you don’t like children, and therefore, I hope you never have any. You’re right—people who feel as you do and find themselves having children anyway manage to make a mess of their lives and their children’s lives. (Yet there are some exceptional children who rise above such adversity.)
Of course all parents find their children cute and adorable, it’s an innate quality bestowed upon us for the survival of the species. If a parent did not feel that instant, inexplicable, unconditional love for their child, then I’d suspect some deep psychological problems. Some believe you should find their children cute, too, but understand that those parents have pride that simply overwhelms them, and they’re not purposefully pushing their child on you. They should be excused for that instead of condemned. After all, it’s not our fault if we love our own children.
It’s great that you remember children are people. They do grow up and become adults, and without them, there would be no future generation. There is time and effort spent in our society on educating and protecting this asset. Be thankful that there are loving people who raise them—parents, teachers, mentors—because one day, they may indeed become big deals like you.
Maggie said,
June 20, 2008 at 8:04 am
I had to give this article a good long think…I don’t like small children, I never have. There’s no deep-seated reason for it that I’m aware of - I have four siblings who all have plenty of kids, parents married for nearly four decades, and a relatively harmonious upbringing. I’m married, have an amazing husband, and get along well with his (older) daughters. Lots of friends with kids there. So everything that might foster the automatic progression into motherhood seems to be there. Whatever the genesis of my preference is, I think it’s inherent, which I know is hard for you and the first replies to believe - but it’s a fact.
And my initial thought was to respond aggressively to the first replies, that implied that my not liking children was some unforgivable character flaw. I dislike being judged for something that I did not choose (although the intent was not personal), and I don’t enjoy being patronized. But I realized that was distracting me from the gist of the article.
So after considering it, I think it’s true that I dislike kids’ behaviour, not kids themselves. After all, if kids behaved exactly like adults, I wouldn’t have a problem spending time with them…I get along well with my adolescent stepdaughters, as mentioned, and do tend to bond with the kids over about eight or nine in my family.
Unfortunately it’s not just what people would classify as bad behaviour that I don’t like about younger kids. All the things that delight you about talking to children make me itchy and impatient. I have tried and tried to get engaged in kids’ conversations and sense of wonder, as you put it, and I can’t. I just get bored. It’s slow and circular to me. Whatever it is that makes someone able to put aside their adult trappings and get involved with a kid’s world? I just don’t have that, either.
So I think you’re right…but in many cases, it’s not just the bad kids. I think it’s kids behaviour, or humans’ behaviour at that stage of development, that some people just don’t enjoy.
But, as you pointed out, they are people. Just smaller people in a developmental process. And I do believe they deserve respect, protection and rights, whether or not you ever plan to have any of your own.
Out of all of the replies I’ve received from those who don’t like children, yours is the most thoughtful and intelligent. Thanks for visiting. —Anonymom